the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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