You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
