Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
