two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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