You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
