capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize
