You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
