we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
