Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
how does that bad decision feel?
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
