just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Randomize
