we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
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