Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
This couple is walking their pig around campus
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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