i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
