now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
