in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize