Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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