I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
