If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
