no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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