Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
