He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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