Ketchup is God's man juice
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
