We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
