Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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