Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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