Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
