I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
