Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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