i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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