I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
