Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
