If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
