I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
