If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize