Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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