Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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