I am in a vortex of obligation.
my being single is dangerous.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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