I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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