On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
sex in a hospital.. check
When are your genitals available?
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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