You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
