Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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