Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
