Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Randomize
