That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
