dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
