I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Im part way to drunk.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
She made me pour olive oil on her.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize