i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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