If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
