I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
