I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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