Screwed.edu
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Randomize
