i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
