perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
it's like iHOP with fire
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
