Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
