So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
