College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
