let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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