Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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