she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Sober January is a disaster.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
