Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize