Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
