Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Randomize
