Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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