Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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