Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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