I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
