We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
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