I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
